Monthly Archives: October 2014

Men, mars and their convoluted language

I don’t understand men. They are too complex, too convoluted in their head and don’t make much sense. Individually they are wonderful beings, I am sure. Fathers, brothers, husbands, friends and we know we need them in our lives. But if you look at men collectively, as a cohort, something just goes horribly wrong and we see a bunch so heavily trapped in its own nonsense.

Take for instance how men swear. Its not the actual act of swearing but the words that they chose to use that leaves me baffled. Every time.

In a moment of extreme anger, with the pure intentions of hurting the other man’s sentiments or to agitate him, a man will fill his lungs with as much air as he can, before he yells out something to the effect of, “Your mommy’s lady parts!”

And the other man would take offence before the sentence ends. As if all this while, he never even knew about it. *Sob sob* “No! My mommy doesn’t have lady parts! Your mommy does!”

This demonstration of verbal masculinity goes on further, “Imma put my pee pee in your mommy’s lady parts” “Oh yeah? You put your pee pee in your own mommy.”

As a woman, it makes almost as  “You are stupid” “No, you are stupid.” In fact, men have managed to make it stupider! The whole argument is fought and won on whose imaginary rape is bigger!

And as if that was not enough, all the men around the whole world have agreed to this being the biggest convoluted fiction that everyone is supposed to take offence to. This is the most agreed upon offence in almost all languages across the globe! The mommies and sisters and their lady parts were never consulted.

Ever wondered why there are no counterparts of these words that women use? Its not because we couldn’t come up with any grotesque nonsense. Its only because it is not offensive and does not make any sense at all!

It was nice, until a few years ago when men wouldn’t swear in front of women. I wish we could go back to that.